Saturday, October 5, 2013

Are you alright?

During an appointment with an 87 year-old female with Alzheimer's.

"So, what can we do for you today?"

"Well, when I go to the bathroom, my pessary falls out. I think I'm pushing too hard, or it's not big enough to stay in."

"Okay, we can put it back in for you. Did you bring it with you?"

"No, the people at my nursing home didn't send it with me."

"So...you came to get your pessary placed back in, but didn't bring it with you? There's not much we can do to help you. Why don't you go set up another appointment?"

"I don't want to come back here."

"You need your pessary so we can place it back inside."

At this point the patient throws a fit and holds her breath until she crumbles to the floor.

"Nurse, call 911. Get me an O2 sat, blood sugar, and heart rate. Can you hear me?"

Mumbles.

Paramedics arrive and take our report.

"Pupils are reactive. She's breathing, she didn't hit her head. Here are her numbers. O2 sat is 95%, blood sugar is 92, heart rate is 72. She's fine."

"Ma'am, do you feel alright?"

"My vagina itches."

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