Tuesday, April 10, 2012


I saw on my credit report a recent addition by a collection agency I didn't recognize so out of curiosity I called them up. (I left out my address and the institution that I "owe.")

Me: Hi, I'm calling about an unpaid bill that my credit report shows.

Them: Okay, first of all, let me make sure we have your information correct. (They get address numbers, city, state, and zip code right.) Do you live on 'TH' street?

Me: No.

Them: Oh, that must be why the bills we sent you keep coming back.

Me: Well, can you send me a bill of what you think I owe to the right address?

Them: No, we can't do that.

Me (surprised): Why not?

Them: We've already sent one out and we can only send out one at a time.

Me: Well, you've been sending it to the wrong address. Maybe if you send it to the right address I'll get it.

Them: Look, if you aren't getting your mail, you either need to talk to your wife who is throwing our bills away before you look at them or you need to talk to your mail carrier and ask him why he isn't delivering your mail. (I'm not making this up!)

Me (laughing): Yah, but you're sending it to an address that doesn't exist. 'TH' street? Don't you think a number might go in from of the 'TH?' Can we address that problem first?

Them: I know from personal experience that the institution that you owe has sent you bills. The fact that you have ignored them is your problem, not mine.

Me: I'll wait till I get a bill until I see a problem. Until then, thinking intelligently is your problem, not mine. Goodbye.

Actually all I said on my final salvo was just 'goodbye,' but now I'm wishing I had left them with a desire to grow some grey matter.

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